I figured I’d post this up for entertainment value since it obliquely revolves around fishing and involves a member on here as well.
Let’s start with the fact that I absolutely hate yardwork. You guys with the manicured lawns can hate me, but if I’m in the yard behind a mower, it means I’m not out fishing. That’s one reason to hate it. The other is that I have a compulsive personality, so when I DO start doing yardwork, I go absolutely crazy, do everything all at once, and usually end up laid up for a couple weeks.
Yesterday I had the day off and, although the grass was getting lumpy, I knew I could ignore it for another week or six. I had the boat hooked up and rods rigged, but woke up to an absolute hurricane. My wife, ever patient but never a fool, took the opportunity to “mention” that the side yard - just a small strip of grass - was an embarrassment to the neighborhood. Since I wasn’t gonna be able to fish, she said, maybe I could just hit that spot real quick and then deal with the rest when the neighbors complained.
She’s a smart, conniving woman, and I fell for it like I always do.
I pulled out the mower and, before long was done with the yard and now had the mower back in the woods, dealing with underbrush. Who knew that a little Lowes Murray mower could bush hog? Well, turns out it does an admirable job and everything was going great until I mowed over a yellow jacket nest (we call 'em ground bees here in NC). My first clue something was amiss was the lightning bolt that hit my ankle. My second clue was the swarm of satan’s spawn that erupted around me. That mower and I hit mach 6 about the time we cleared the woods and I only had one sting to show for it.
I hate those little suckers, but I’ve learned how to deal with them. A shop vac does quick work of the ■■■■■■■ if you place the nozel just right. Get the hose over the nest, then stir them up with a long stick (or in this case, PVC pipe). Turn on the vac and they attack the nozzle . . . Slurp! It takes a few “stirrings” to really rile them up, but the satisfaction of watching them get sucked up is beyond measure. We’re talking Miller time and a lawn chair. . . .
While the ground bees were being hoovered up, I worked on another section of lawn by the back deck, only to discover a rather large snake of questionable species under the deck. Turns out it had been hunting but got tangled up in some bird netting from my wife’s garden. I was able to pull the snake/bird netting wad out onto the yard for closer inspection, and sent a pic of it to the one guy I could think of who might be able to tell me if I was dealing with something that would kill me. @Birdyshooter responded quickly with a positive identification. “That’s a danger noodle”. Still not sure if that’s genus or species, but it did make me more cautious as I cut it free and transported it back to the woods via some long handled cooking tongs. Still not sure why I did that, but whatever.
About this time, I’m wondering why I"m doing all this, and remembering why I hate doing yard work, but what the hell, I’m this far in, right? Might as well finish the job so I don’t have to do it again till next year . . .
A short while later, I check the ground bee situation and determine that the shop vac’s done the job, so I finish mower-hogging the underbrush in the wood - only to have the snakes twin surprise the hell out of me. I think I may have said a bad word right about then, but the mower was busy grinding up a stump so I don’t think anyone heard . .
With the woods done, I headed to the final patch of our property - back to grass and civilization. Nothing to fear here, just an 8x8 section by the fire pit and an old broken down palmetto tree. Of course, it’s in the way, so I as I mowed a strip by it, I kicked it over a bit. Half a mower length later, something bigger than I want to remember crawled up my leg and into the leg of my shorts. I’m not sure what it was, but my first impression was that Godzilla was getting frisky. I still don’t know if it bit me or if it had claws, but the blood curdling scream I let out was something less than manly. The gyrations that followed, while successful at extracting the beast, snapped my neck in such a way that I spent the afternoon in the chropracter.
All of this is perfectly true and only somewhat embellished. I share this only as a cautionary tale for the rest of you. This is why we fish instead of doing yardwork. No matter how small that little strip of grass is or how sweetly your wife asks . ..
Go fishing
his nose does look funny…
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got two pieces of property ate up with them! Some i haven’t trimmed this year are 12 foot tall i bet,i have a mobile trimmer system for them LOL , i put the Honda 2000i genny in the ezgo with a short drop cord i just drive around pull up beside the victim and cut away with my trimmer…works great and to move the cut offs i have a tarp thats folded double with a bridal on one end that goes over the hitch on ezgo, i just drive around and throw the cutoffs on the tarp with my pitch fork you can move a lot fast and fairly easy that way,keep the tarp on dirt or grass it last for about a year…
